it's hit me: that one plus one is one.

It's hit me. Full force. I stood in a circle of friends last night, and I realized I'm old. Still unable to get senior citizens discounts nor ride the scooters at Walmart, but there are sometimes sneaky gray (or maybe blonde) hairs sneaking in brown hair.

Two of my friends got engaged a day ago. The initial shock hits you head on. I should've expected it, trips to Texas immediately following Winter Semester, exclusively hanging out all the time, and the mandatory family game night every week.
And I sit in my room wondering on my twin sized bed, with an unacceptably messy room, in my halter top because I'm way too hot for anything else: how do you know? I thought it would just be completely clear. Is it? When you start leaving away messages that say "I love such and such" is that a tell-tale sign you're ready for marriage. I don't want to challenge peoples' or friends' judgement, but I guess I'm not even close to the point where I could see myself married. I'm worried about divorce, the statistics, the young lovers moving to married-couple-hood realizing they don't love eachother with 2 kids and another on the way.

I stare at one of my senior pictures. The bring-your-friends-along picture, where three of my high school friends and I are posed ridiculously around eachother. 2 of the 4 are engaged or married. I still feel young. I guess I've left the high school days, the "I can't date anyone" excuses. It scares me. I like to say it's because I haven't met the right one. That's what they force feed you in movies, in romantic stories of your relatives' past, in romance novels (not that I've read any- well I don't think Jane Austen or Bridget Jones count).

All around me I sense instability. And then my shuffling itunes comes up with Badly Drawn Boy, One Plus One is One. "Why can't you see that one plus one is one? Much greater than the sum of its parts... it's time to take the gun out of life." And Damon Gough reassures me that I'm not the only one feeling this way... "it still boils down to love. Please, give me some peace."