progression

I had a dream last night (or this morning as I got to sleep in) that Heidi was getting married. Not just a cultural hall, hide the basketball hoops with fake ivy, marriage. No, a 10,000 dollars one complete with a swing band, hot pink bridesmaid dresses, and a huge reception center (that still kind of resembled a gym). Heidi didn't wait. She has always told me how she needs to know someone for at least 6 months to a year before she marries them, but she waited only 2 months or so. I was so happy for her though, and I knew it was right. But there was a twinge of jealousness.

The more I think about marriage the more it scares me. I can't imagine so many things that are happening now without the person I want to spend my life and eternity with, but I also can't imagine having that someone who wants me all of the time and who thinks as highly of me as I think of them. I'm stubborn. I don't give in. I fight about silly, trivial things. I'm a wreck. I'm a stress case most days. I love and hate people. I become easily annoyed. I talk all the time. My mind is always stuck on one issue. I'm insecure. I never feel like anything is good enough. I'm stiff. I say too much. I'm skeptical. I'm hopeful. I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a cynic. I don't even know what to make of myself. I feel like I could always do better or be better. But I suppose that's life. You realize your insecurities, but you love people regardless. You begin to mature and give up things that are trivial and annoy you, or you deal with them in the best way possible. Marriage is no small matter, and I find myself and others pressured into something that has both temporal, physical, spiritual, and eternal significance. It is not a light decision, and it is not a light commitment.

I look to certain couples as exemplars. Living together and loving each other in sincere and honest ways. It is these couples who make me giddy with anticipation about the ups and downs of a partnership, and I just love the purity of a relationship that is both hip and spiritual (those two don't go together very often). When I find it, I feel like I'll know (like every musical, Disney movie, and romantic comedy says). There's still a lot left for me to accomplish, be it on my own or with someone else.

WOD: exemplar- 1) a model or pattern to be copied or imitated, 2) a typical or standard specimen, 3) an ideal or model type, 4) a copy of a book or text